Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Back in Action

I finally got the ok to get back in the pool and out on my bike. No more trainer!! YES!! I have a lot of catching up to do on my training, but I have faith in the process and in Jen that she will have me ready to go for my big race in Racine. I'm still in the process of coming to terms with the fact that some of my races will not be what I had hoped them to be this year, but I am getting over my bad self and focusing on Racine. That was my goal race for this season, and that is really all that matters to me right now. The races leading up to Racine will be tough, mentally and physically, but they are a means to an end this year.

This past weekend I went to Galena to watch Greyt and Jen race. I also notched my first DNS. It was an emotionally/mentally tough day for me. I think it was the first time I've really let myself get angry about what happened with my hand. Up until now I've brushed it off as a stupid accident, nothing I can do about it, doesn't help to get upset, everything happens for a reason, blah blah blah. But standing there, spectating, I felt really angry. An accident that never should have happened was forcing me to the sidelines. It wasn't fair. And I was pissed. Instead of being out on that crazy, hilly course racing my heart out like I should have been, I was standing up at the finish area staring at all the racks in T2 clenching my jaw with tears stinging my eyes. I allowed myself that time to get mad, to feel the frustration, and to come to terms with the fact that life isn't always fair. I had the right to feel angry and upset and it was about time I got it out. So I stood there for several minutes letting myself feel all the things I've been pushing aside for 5 weeks. Then I took a big breath, turned around and went out for my run on the race course, making damn sure I even crossed the finish line. While I still had a few bouts of frustration during and after the race, I think I've finally dealt with my emotions around this and can put it behind me. I'm not going to let this set-back ruin my season. It most certainly will change it, but it sure as hell isn't going to ruin it.

"Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength." - Unknown